FEELING INFERIOR TO OTHER WOMEN?

300 people can be more talented than you in the exact same talent e.g. singing. 500 women in your city can look better than you. Moreover, 10000 women in your country can minister better than you in a spiritual gift e.g. writing books or teaching but here’s the thing – THEY WILL NEVER BE YOU! I recall, back in 2009 – 2010, I was so hungry for God and desperate to find myself. A well known USA prophetess had come to the UK for a conference and prophesied to me in 2008 but mentioned that everything that was going to happen was tied to my gifts and abilities. At the time i didn’t know anything much about who I was in Christ. Indeed, the odds were really against me as the years went by to 2010; i felt inferior in many areas of my life! I had entered courtship with a man who was so much more spiritually mature than me, I was having visions & dreams that I couldn’t interpret, Jesus was telling me that I’m His messenger and I just couldn’t see how. Furthermore, I was also attending a small family church whereby we were required to preach once or twice a month and not only that we each had to pray after service. I became desperate for Christ, desperate to grow that I may find myself! So, I quit my part time job to study the bible 6 hours a day and basically lost my social life because on Saturdays the Spirit of God led me to fast and pray.  Then one day as I was sitting on my aunt’s sofa watching TV the LORD spoke to me and said, “Dephne, there is only one you and there will never be anyone like you”. I will never forget those words! It’s like a weight was lifted off my shoulder, my sight became clearer and my heart more content. The need to be validated by people ended on that day because Christ became my validator, the exposer of my identity and my perfecter. I was excited to get to know this Dephne that Christ spoke about, not to prove a point to anyone but to be who i am in Christ! Are you excited to know who God has created you to be? Or are you too busy focusing on other people instead of your own road? You see, this Word Jesus told me that day on that sofa, applies to every single human being on this earth but unfortunately some will go to the grave without ever experiencing this truth because their focus was on other people’s Visions, Blessings, Gifts, Abilities, Anointing, Looks, Money, Fame etc. When Jesus speaks to us His Word cuts right through the heart! There’s a certain boldness that Christ gives that engraves on your heart deeper than a tattoo.  I marvel at women and girls who compete with others to be number 1 in certain fields or areas of life. Pride is also a form of insecurity because it seeks to prove itself to people that’s why people end up competing with others; they are insecure and afraid to be out-shined. I’m perplexed at women who feel inferior to others. Why feel inferior? Why do you feel threatened when you are unique? When God has given you special things buried inside you that no one else can handle or demonstrate like you? For example, in the bible, both Daniel and Jeremiah (history also says Ezekiel lived in the same timeframe as well) were great prophets who were living within the same timeframe but they were so different from each other and had unique roles to play for God’s people! They didn’t compete. Daniel in fact respected Jeremiah’s calling, anointing and role (read Daniel 2:9 here). Sometimes, I just want to shake women and say “Do you realise that your God-given vision is NOT threatened?” Do you realise that there is nobody like you? That you are unshakable when you walk in God’s will? You are unique and mighty!  

ACTION PLAN:
Insecure about talents, gifts or material things
Understand that you are chosen by God for a big purpose on this earth but you must find Him first to find your purpose. Moreover, you have to be faithful in the little that God has entrusted you with, be it money, a talent, a gift etc.  Be faithful in each season of your life, pass the tests He brings on your way and follow Him. God will increase you as you continue to be faithful, trustworthy and humble. It’s written in Luke 16:10 (NKJV)

“He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much.”

For example, if you are singer, be faithful where you are and He will expand you. God is able to make you great on this earth but this is also dependant on you! How willing are you to be expanded or how hungry for God are you in order to find Him so you can find yourself? Are you sitting around envying other people, being jealous of other people’s spiritual gifts, riches or talents but not putting this same energy and attentiveness into growing yourself in Christ or in those areas? If so then you need to change your priorities, take a spiritual break and refocus. Grow grow grow in Christ! Grow in your prayer life and bible study life. Grow through fasting, praising and worshipping God. Be less focused on yourself and more focused on God’s heart to allow Him to mold you into who He has called you to be!

Insecure about looks and appearance:
If you are insecure about looks this first needs to be tackled from the spiritual side. Again, it comes down to growing in your faith in Jesus to the point where you realise you are fearfully and wonderfully made. As it is written in Psalm 139:13-14, which says:

For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.

If your maximum body capacity is built to be a size 14 don’t force yourself to be a size 8, vice versa. Sometimes women can lose weight or gain weight up to 1-2 sizes in a healthy way and their bodies adjust to this but some women can’t and they have to force this by living an unhealthy lifestyle e.g. not eating anything to lose weight or overeating bad foods to gain weight. I advise you to not force things, do things in the right way. Think of the future regarding your body and work with what you have, being as healthy as you can be. Remember insecurity starts within the heart and even if you get to the size you always dreamed of, this will not take away your insecurities. Start with tackling the unhappiness in your heart first and be honest with yourself, before tackling the unhappiness with your body.  Moreover, concerning outward appearance, what is your diet like or daily routine? What do you eat? Do you put effort in taking care of your hair? Your skin? I’ve seen women who take more care of their wigs & weaves than they do their own hair, then they complain about their hair not growing. I’ve seen women who spend more money on many shoes than on their skin and hygiene. Do you know that your skin is forever, that shoes get old and they come and go according to trends. As women we have to be honest with ourselves, if we don’t water the gardens (areas) of our lives, they will wither and die. It’s not always greener on the other side! Take care of the gardens that God has entrusted you with! Water, prune and beautify them! Get rid of the little foxes that come to damage them (maintenance). When I was working in the corporate world, I saw colleagues who were crying about body fat in certain areas of their bodies but they were eating crisps, chocolates and drinking fizzy drinks on their computer desks, twice a day, everyday and then having a salad during lunch that was packed with carbs (pasta) and protein (eggs). Our daily habits can do more harm or do more good, depending on what they are. It’s important to be informed. Likewise, if you are insecure about your image look at yourself in the mirror and work with what you have be informed about what’s great for your height, body shape or body type etc. What is your wardrobe like? Start educating yourself in the area of outward image according to what you want to improve. Re-learn yourself. Personally, i hated how small my waist was, it is a uk size 6 but the rest of my lower body is built like a UK size 8 to 10. I had to re-learn myself and accept who i am; pear shaped. I had to stop trying to be a size my body is not born to be, indeed, it was hard but I had to accept that I’m naturally slim.

Dear reader, if it means attending courses or classes so you can be more knowledgable, do so because we all need to be informed! For example, my mother wanted to start learning how to do her makeup better and she signed up for a 4 week makeup class and passed her little course. Now she can do her own makeup well! Moreover, I wanted to learn how to take better photographs, so i attended a 1-day class on how to take professional photographs. I learnt so many amazing things and now regularly take my own photographs. Dear daughter of God, any area you feel you are not quite confident in, simply means you need to educate yourself in that area. Knowledge is really power. In life we must grow grow grow, not only spiritually but also in physical things.

I pray you make the necessary changes you need today that will help you to not feel inferior to others. I pray that God give you confidence in your vision, your career, your calling, your looks and your future. May His confidence instilled in His Word be your anchor so that you can celebrate other women and other people without feeling threatened or lesser than. I pray that your confidence may never be shaken by anything or anyone because of knowing who you really are in Christ. God bless you!

In His Service

Dephne

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Get Dephne’s Latest Book

The Art of Being Private (building in silence)  Download ebook £7.99 Buy Paperback £9.99 Buy on iBooks £7.99 Buy on Kindle £4.99