This has been something I wanted to share for a very long time, to bring healing and edification to the girl that is relying on people, on loved ones, on society, on external things and/or demands to feel good, happy or confident in herself. I pray that the Holy Spirit brings healing into your heart, clarity, edification and peace as you read this blog post. So, ever since I was a little girl, I always remember being called “cute or pretty”. As I grew older into a teenager, the compliments grew to gorgeous, attractive etc. Sometimes when walking on the street, I would be stopped by women, guys and little children; just to say something nice and give a sweet compliment. This progressively developed to being approached, on a few occasions, by modelling agents and a newspaper agent, asking if I would consider being a model. Though my parents raised me up to be humble and not base my worth on looks but rather on what’s on the inside, the heart; in all this, a so called “confidence” began to grow in me.
Indeed, the admiration from people was growing a confidence inside me, however, it was a confidence that depended on what people think about me. Dear reader, does your confidence thrive on what people say or think about you? Maybe your confidence is based on what your boyfriend, fiancé or husband says? Perhaps it’s dependant on what your peers, family or even strangers say? You see, with me my confidence needed to be “watered” by more compliments in order to thrive! Are you like this? You need more and more attention, compliments and words in order to flourish or thrive? My so called “confidence was a flawed confidence that masqueraded the insecurities that society and empty “honey dipped” words, could not erase nor heal. To make matters worse, being “pretty” according to people’s standards became a double edged sword to me growing up. It led to a lonely life of losing friends; dealing with constant envy and jealousy from those around me; being excluded in things due to intimidation; boys often liking me because of what they saw externally, rather than who I was as a person; having friends who were not genuine. It came with a price but yet in all this, my confidence began to be rooted in how I looked.
Your looks cannot build true confidence…
by dephne
Are you like that? Your confidence is rooted on your looks and on how people make you feel? How the world makes you feel? How society shapes and defines your beauty? How many people compliment you? Even so, in this world of social media, is your confidence based on how many likes, shares, comments or retweets you get? Have you placed your beauty on the pedestal of fallible human beings and a flawed society? You see, your looks cannot build true confidence. Building confidence on looks is like building a house with no foundation in the ground. That house will not stand. Likewise, I struggled with accepting myself. Why was my body so disproportionate – why my waist was so small and my hips this wide? Why were my lips so big? Why were my wrists so small? Why this, why that? I had questions every time I looked in the mirror. All the compliments and stares could not help how critical I had become of myself! My confidence had become timed, yes timed with an expiry date. It was a conditional confidence that needed an infilling from people in order to survive. It was a fleeting confidence, a confidence that carried no peace and no contentment. A people dependant confidence. How tragic when confidence is built on things that are flawed, changing, demanding and futile!
At salvation, you step inside Christianity with the lies of the world, the fleeting self esteem from society and the conditional self-love taught by life experiences!
by Dephne
Then I met the LORD Jesus Christ and what an adventurous journey we went on as my faith grew in Him! With the help of the Holy Spirit, He began to open my eyes to what true confidence is. He began to heal my perspective, my way of thinking and my warped opinions with the Truth of His Word. He began to uproot the unhealthy need to please people, the trusting of people’s opinions about self and the desire to be accepted by people. You see, when you become a Christian, you step into the Kingdom of light with the old way of thinking that you had in the kingdom of darkness, when you were living in sin. At Salvation, you step inside Christianity with those same warped thoughts, with the lies of the world, with the fleeting self-esteem from society and with the conditional self-love taught by life and experiences! There is a big job that the Holy Spirit begins to do when we become Christians… but we have to let Him! The Holy Spirit wants to work with us and we have to be willing to be teachable and obedient to His voice. He needs to work with the Word that you hide in your heart, hence, He asks us to renew our minds with God’s Word so that the work He wants to do in us on this faith-walk, can be fruitful and produce a harvest of righteousness and holiness in our lives.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:2
Around those days after being saved, one night while I was in prayer, the LORD said audibly, “Dephne you are beautiful and I love you”. These words may sound very simple but they broke me! Their pierced so deeply inside my heart and into my soul, exposing all the lies I had believed and the lies I had convinced myself. It’s not like the LORD had never told me that He loves me before this moment but in that moment, He allowed my heart to receive His Words in full understanding and revelation. I cried and cried that night after hearing those life changing Words from the LORD Jesus. It was as if I had become completely stripped naked of myself. Like a small infant baby being washed and changed into new clothes. The words cut so deep exposing the throne of pride and arrogance I had built around my heart. That night, by this rhema Truth, I was set free from the bondages of self, the bondages of idolising people’s opinions, the bondages of self doubt and lies, the bondages of conditional self love, the bondages of depending on society’s demands and more! I pray that you may experience constant revelation of God’s Word whether it is the rhema (audible) or the written Word!
Moreover, the Holy Spirit began to pluck off every false form of confidence I had acquired, I soon learnt that humility was one of the greatest forms of beauty in a woman and also in a Christian (I am still learning this). He began to teach me about pride, arrogance and types of false humility. He led me to Psalms 139:14 which says,
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Psalm 139:14
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
and told me to face myself in the mirror and declare this Truth. It was hard looking myself in the eye on the mirror! I was astonished at how, even I, was intimidated by myself! I couldn’t face the woman in the mirror, I couldn’t face myself! Yet, by God’s grace, day by day I looked at myself in the mirror declaring God’s Truth. It became easier, it became bolder, it became power-filled, it became an atmosphere of signs and wonders! Further deliverance was happening as the scales of blindness fell from my eyes and I started to see myself more and more like how God sees me! One of our aims in life should always be to see ourselves exactly like how Christ sees us, this is where freedom begins. In fact, this is Christ’s desire, for you to know and see yourself in the true light of His Word. Moreover, when you speak the WORD of God to yourself, you are building your faith up and also crushing the head of the enemy. The Word of God is working things out for you in the spiritual realms, then this physical realm! I pray that this may encourage you to seek confidence from God’s Word. I pray that you may take on the yoke of Jesus Christ which is lighter than society’s, lighter than your friend’s, lighter than the opinion’s of people, lighter than worldly standards & ever changing trends. I pray that your confidence may be rooted in what God says and thinks about you! A confidence that relishes in the audience of the One true God; God the Father, Son & Holy Spirit! I pray that you may build yourself up in faith through God’s Word, even if it means taking the measures of looking into the mirror, facing yourself and speaking the alive and powerful Word of God that created you!
In His Service
Dephne
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2 comments on “Being Pretty Won’t Earn You True Confidence”
Ms Jessie Nash
Woman of God you are one of the REMNANT that God Himself has chosen you to this generation. Your transparency is and continue to give others that struggling with that THING, that no one else knows about in the natural;may God continue to empower you to speak the Word of God.
Wanjiku mwaura
For a very long time Ave been a victim but I thank God for using you to pass on this insight to his darling daughters .Be blessed more grace and wisdom in your journey sis!