Relationships: Why Can’t You Be More Like Me?

ARE WE EQUALLY YOKED?
Nowadays, when people enter in relationships or marriages; they get shocked when they find out that the man or woman of their dreams is very different to them! They end up mistaking differences as flaws to their relationship. It’s crucial early on in a relationship to not mistake differences from each other as being unequally yoked. You can be different from each other but still be equally yoked. The fun part (no pun intended) is how you use your differences to grow and beautify each other. When God created the first woman (Eve) for the first man (Adam), He intentionally made them different for a bigger purpose and vision for their marriage and earth dominion. The bible says concerning this in Genesis 2:18:

Now the Lord God said, “It is not good (beneficial) for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [one who balances him—a counterpart who is] suitable and complementary for him.”

God never calls a man and the woman to be identical, if they are, then they become completely useless to each other and incapable of fully fulfilling their role in the each other’s lives. Instead, God calls them and their differences to balance and compliment each other; to fill a gap that the other can not contain for the motive of fulfilling a joint Purpose.  Furthermore, if I may add,  “becoming one” in marriage and “becoming identical” are two very different things! When married couples become one, they are NOT robbed of their individual identities and differences.
Many couples today struggle with their differences because they are trying to morph their beloved into a caricature of themselves. The thing is, some may succeed but this always creates a monster! The whole idea behind making your beloved more like you is like saying, “I am perfect and you are not but if you become more like me then you will be perfect and our relationship or marriage will be better!” Trying to make your beloved to be more like you is in-fact a selfish and lofty mindset. Couples should always strive to make each other more like Christ by exercising the Word of God in their own walks and following the leading of the Spirit of God in their daily lives.

LESS DIFFERENCES WILL MAKE US HAPPIER?
Early in my courtship, I tried so hard to make my beloved more like me. For example, he is more of a caller and I am more into texting. This may seem like a small trivial thing but it brought  communication frustration in our courtship since it was a long distance relationship, hence, one could not fulfil the desire of the other due to personal preference. So many people today have lost the spark, peace and joy in their relationships due to a mismanagement of their “personal preferences”! Do you know that you have a responsibility to manage your differences to your beloved’s, once you enter a relationship with them?
For us, the Holy Spirit has always been our Counsellor from the beginning and over time He was molding us not only concerning ‘modes of communication’ but also other areas of differences; teaching us to cater to the other by walking with a selfless mindset. The specific words the Holy Spirit said to us were “love is unconditional”.
Many of us struggle to be more selfless or to stop imposing conditions for our love because we are always seeking to be fulfilled first before fulfilling the other person. Are you always seeking for your needs to be met first before you become a blessing to someone else? Is your love story being eaten away because of your inability to step outside of differences and personal preferences? Remember, the issue is not with your differences but how you handle them and how you give to the other person despite your differences. Sit down together with your other half and make a joint decision to be “givers” and no longer “borrowers” towards each other in your relationship. Invest in each other on the level you are at today, be it dating, courtship, engagement or marriage; until you overflow!

ARGUMENTS
Many a times a lack of self-ownership over differences can cloud a relationship and begin to feed it into an environment of arguments. Do you know that it was never God’s desire for couples to argue? If you truly knew the root cause of arguments, you wouldn’t find a thrill in engaging in them even for 1 second! When a couple argues, it proves their inability to adequately solve a difference they have. Do you know that you can solve issues and differences without arguing? Arguing is a demonstration of lack of maturity, not exactly intellectually but more so spiritually; it is a lack of spiritual maturity in a certain area. The Holy Spirit desires for couples to not argue but to experience daily, joy and peace in their relationship. This is unrealistic to those who live in the flesh but a reality for those who live in the Spirit, have crucified their flesh and are no longer slaves to their flesh.
In the past I have heard preachers say that “arguing is constructive”! Sadly, this is not biblically nor spiritually correct because contextually, the first marital argument we see in the bible only happened after the fall of men. Harmony was disturbed when Adam & Eve sinned together. The first argument happened when Adam blamed God for his wife as written in Genesis 3:11-12 (NKJV):

And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?” Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.”…

Understand the spiritual root of Arguments, that though arguments manifest in different forms, they always have the same agenda! They have a prideful agenda that states, “I am right and you are wrong”, an agenda that never seeks to understand nor hear the other but puts them to blame.

CONCLUSION & PRAYER
Dear reader, have you allowed your differences to lay doormat by not using them to build your relationship instead of destroying it? Have you allowed the enemy to whisper lies to you that influence arguments into your relationship? It’s not too late to take ownership and change together. If you allow the Holy Spirit to be your Counsellor He can beautify your relationship to uncommon levels you never thought existed! Find time to be with your beloved alone and invite the Holy Spirit into your love life. Hold hands as for prayer and ask Him by saying “Holy Spirit we surrender our relationship to You today. Take full ownership of it, direct it, mold it and beautify it by Your power. We submit our hearts to You and ask You to be our Counsellor from this moment; teach, convict, lead and help us into all Truth of everything You have ordained our relationship to be and everything that true love is. Empower us to experience heaven on earth in our relationship according to the will of God. Thank You Holy Spirit Amen”.

In His Service

Dephne

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Get Dephne’s Latest Book

The Art of Being Private (building in silence)  Download ebook £7.99 Buy Paperback £9.99 Buy on iBooks £7.99 Buy on Kindle £4.99